Both NBC’s Andrea Mitchell and Internet powerhouse Matt Drudge seem to have come to the same conclusion: if you want any answers from the Obama administration, your only chance is to hope that Jay Leno brings up your question during one of his annual televised chats with the president.

White House spokesman Jay Carney’s indefatigable ability to “appreciate” reporters’ questions while refusing to address them has been hilariously documented, but with all of those phony scandals piling up, both the press corps and the public are less and less amused by whatever it is that Carney does for a living. While our ongoing investigation into Carney’s incompetence continues, we’d refer you to these citizens for comment.

Last Friday’s White House briefing was canceled due to a chance of questions about those Benghazi survivors who say they’re being intimidated into silence, but Carney did at last address CNN’s bombshell report today. It turns out he has no information on the subject.

The briefings do serve some purpose. Carney used one recently to clarify exactly which of the many scandals plaguing the president are the phony ones. What else do you people want?

Get ready for a flash flood of information tomorrow as the man himself steps up to the teleprompter before heading to Martha’s Vineyard.

  • Teddi

    Again, when Carney speaks, all I can think of are the Martians from Mars Attacks. “Ack ack! ACK ack ack, ack ack!”

    • Erick Brockway

      Mars Attacks FTW!

    • Marvin Nelson

      I wish that some Martians would do to Congress what they did in Mars Attacks. Great way to reboot the whole government. Otherwise, we are screwed.

    • Adi

      Or the Swedish Chef from Muppets.

    • Archer305

      I just hear a high pitch whine as that choker leash is being pulled from behind the curtain by his master when he opens his mouth. “Be a good boy and take the embarrassment, and maybe I’ll let you sleep inside today.”

    • OldLady Norma

      Hey if we played Slim Whitman music would their heads explode?

      • Teddi

        ..if only :o)

  • lesterwink23

    Reporter: Mr. Carney, what’s your real name?
    Jay: You’ll need to refer to my birth certificate on that

  • John Howard

    By ‘information’ he means ‘clue’. He has no clue, never has had a clue and never will have a clue.

  • Bruce Musto

    I don’t think it’s that he is incompetent, he just isn’t allowed to talk about these things. POTUS has him on tight leash.

    • rickg62

      No, he really is this incompetent. No competent person would take this job for this president, they would be too embarrassed.

  • Ralph Moore

    I feel bad for Carney…imagine if YOUR job was trying to make Obama look good lol.

    • Ben Bollman

      I feel bad for Carney too(sort of). If I was Press Sec and all I was told to say is ‘I got nothing’ while taking the heat for it then I would probably go nucking futs.

      • WhoMeToo

        I don’t feel one bit of anything for Carney the Clown & this regime. Look at what he really does…. LIES for the “President” of the United States of America. LIES straight to the American people, and with a straight face. The whole lot are nothing but a bunch of Sociopaths.

        • Ben Bollman

          My empathy is purely rhetorical and would only apply if Carney had a soul.

          • WhoMeToo

            I’m sure he has a soul…. and if there is any justice, it will roast for eternity.

      • TomJB

        I don’t feel bad for him at all. Anyone with a shred of integrity would quit that job during their first week. He deserves whatever eventually comes

  • Jeremy

    This music fits Jay “clown” Carney well.

  • MNWoman

    Hmm, I actually think Carney’s employment as spokesperson for the “most transparent administration ever” makes perfect sense.

  • James Neal

    What if he gave a White House press briefing and NOBODY came? Do you think that would wake the idiots up?

    • Rulz

      The only thing that will wake them up is when China stops rolling over our debt and their checks stop coming.

  • Agent Carmichael

    I didn’t think it was possible to find a bigger tool than Robert Gibbs. Jay Carney proves me wrong.

  • Canadian in USA

    Actually, his employment is easy to understand: “Yes, Jay, you can still be my press secretary. Now, get your lips off my ass.”

  • NixTyranny

    Since Jay Carney “has no information,” maybe he should offer up questions to the reporters instead of the other way around.

  • Anthony Clay

    Jay tossing salad Carney, have to refer you to Howdy Doody

  • Jim Denney

    “I appreciate the question. Since you’re not from Faux News I have determined that you’re not really determined to reach a determination on this matter, so I’m determined to provide you with the lack of a determination you are determined to get. Next question, anybody not from Fox….”

  • BeeKaaay

    His employment is not surprising in the least.

    He’s a crony. He’s a leftwingwacko. He worships the ground Obama walks on.

    It would be ASTOUNDING if he were none of the above. THAT would be a miracle.

  • Rulz

    As long as Obama is president, the media will roll with Carney and I’m sure he knows it.

    Iowa, Michigan, Wisconsin—- over 50% of you voted for eight years of this so enjoy!

  • DCT

    Ummmm, yeah, well, I’m not… I don’t have… I appreciate that… Fox “News…” Uhhh, these, ummmm, “phony scandals… I would refer you to anybody other than me….

    Any other questions?

  • Roto

    Guess we’ll have to dig up Johnny Carson to get a State of the Union…

  • TocksNedlog

    “Hey Jay, what about this?”
    “I dunno.”
    “Uh, okay, but what about that?”
    “I dunno.”
    “Um, right. Now, what about the other thing?”
    “Geez, I said I dunno, all right? God! You’re like always in my grill and stuff. I need my space!”

  • IronButterfly

    Actually, he doesn’t know anyone in the White House or the administration. This is by design. He has only seen Obama on TV and the two or three times he has come to the press room to make a speech.

    When he goes out of the press briefing room he goes straight to a little office and he is not allowed to talk with anyone at all. Have you ever seen any photos of Jay in a meeting with Obama?;)

    • Trudy Hill

      wow, you must have been reading my mind!!

  • Barry A. Brewer

    Just start asking him litereally if he has any information – every question.

  • Jeff H

    Actually, Carney has *plenty* of “it”. Problem is, his doctor won’t write him another prescription for antibiotics due to “overuse”.

  • Texas Obama Loather

    Any clown that sells out to the Oblahblah regime deserve every bit of heartbreak and ridicule they get. Prison should be their destination. Every last one of the lying crooks.

  • OldLady Norma

    Word of the day-obfuscate.

  • Trudy Hill

    I still find the chubby one with glasses the most annoying of the two.What was his name…??? Such a pompos twit

  • lillymckim

    Stunning. Just kidding. Predictable but neither Jay or Obama the speechifier are ever stunning.