#NewAPGuidelines: A stalker is now a hug-deficient person and other AP-acceptable terms

Bada bing! As Twitchy reported, the Associated Press has officially dropped the term “illegal immigrant” from its Stylebook. The only possible result of such absurdity? Delicious mockery. There is so much mockery to have that several hashtags are required: #NewAPGuidelines and #NewAPStyle.

Take it away, Twitter!








They are simply hug-deficient!









Heh. Or President Eye Candy. Hurl.

Keep it coming, Twitter.

And another hashtag enters the mix!







More, please!

  • Maxx


    Associated Press will no longer be abbreviated as “AP,” rather as “TP”

    A logical change considering what the stylebook has become, thanks to “feel good” liberals.

    • SpinMeNot

      Oh, I don’t know … AP, Association of Plagiarists. Its the stuff they write that should be known as TP, rather than news.

  • Scott Carroll

    No more “gay” marriage or (Heaven forbid) “homosexual” marriage. New AP style guidelines insist on the term “Union of the Similar Gendered.”

    • nc

      No no no! They WANT that Marriage term. They just want it to mean something it’s not. Like Kosher pork.

      • TJCrane_NCC1701

        Kosher pork ? Sounds like an Urban Dictionary definition for a sick NAMBLA term.

  • Scott Carroll

    Abortion will henceforth be known as “Progeny Management”

  • http://www.freedomreconnection.com CO2 Producer

    “Honor killings” are now to be referred as “precautionary defamation preventive measures.”

  • SpinMeNot

    Guns will now be referred to as “undocumented tools I sold at a gun show.”

  • http://www.freedomreconnection.com CO2 Producer

    Violent, coordinated flash mobs should be called “groups of urban youth empowered by social media.”

    • GaryTheBrave

      Shayne Roby, obese people are now “gravity enhanced.”

      • trixiewoobeans

        Horizontally challenged?

    • Silenttype78

      You know what? That is actually true.

      A couple of months back there was a riot in a local mall. My son and his girlfriend were there at the time and he said he had never been so scared. He said that no fewer than 200 black teens stormed through the middle of the mall pushing people out of the way,screaming,and breaking stuff. He said they hid out in Hot Topic until the scene was controlled enough to shut the whole place down and evacuate the mall.

      Rather than call it a “riot” the local news referred to it as a flash mob (and defined flash mob as pre planned dance in a public place) that got “out of hand” because an opposing “group” learned about the gathering on social media.

      I have taught my kids to pay attention to your surroundings: Who is around you? How are they behaving? Where are exits? Where would I go if an exit were blocked? etc.

      With an increase in racially charged attacks (which often receive little attention) and because they have gotten old enough to date and go out without my supervision I have up’ed my insistence on being aware.

      • http://www.freedomreconnection.com CO2 Producer

        Do not doubt that you’re doing the right thing. The situation could have ended much worse for your son. Trust me on this.

  • SpinMeNot

    The sign on the President’s desk will now read, “The Lies Start Here.”

  • Scott Carroll

    Gangbangers will henceforth be known as individuals with a “Doctorate in Thug Life”

  • http://www.freedomreconnection.com CO2 Producer

    Parks post-Occupy are not “brown spaces,” they’re “greening redevelopment projects.”

  • lainer51

    #NewAPGuidelines – Nobel Peace Prize Winner accomplishments: bowling score 37, golf score 100, basketball score – 2/22, bike riding – girls’ bike wearing helmet and Mom Jeans….

  • Scott Carroll

    Drug dealers? No,no. We prefer the term “FeelGood retailers”

  • Scott Carroll

    Meth cook is so passe. The new AP hotness is “pharmaceutical engineer”

  • Peyton

    So in order to avoid labels we are going to get rid of the words murderer, thief and rapist right?

  • Squirrel!

    Well, I have nothing as creative as the posts already here. Good job, All!!

  • michael s

    George Zimmerman supporter shall be referred to as Proponent of Injustice.
    Michele Bachmann shall be referred to as Criminal Suspect Person Of Interest.
    Huma Abedin shall be referred to as innocent.

    • lainer51


      • michael s

        I meant to say Huma Abedin shall be referred to as innocent victim of racial profiling.
        Michele Bachmann shall be referred to as Criminal Suspect Person of Interest Alexandria Mundy Michelina Kyle take your pick.
        No change on Zimmerman supporter.

  • nc

    Test cheaters are now “Different Learners.”

  • Frank Drebin

    First Family “vacations” will now be referred to as “micro-location-specific economic booster programs”

  • Rightturn

    LOL I’ve got one- instead of saying ‘hunger,’ let’s say ‘very low food security!’

  • G.

    Lets see: Democrats are now “Heroes of the Revolution”; Lies are now “truisms”; a convicted Democrat is now “political prisoner of the far Reich”; and Debbie Wasserman Schultz is the new flag carrier for the Mensa Society.

  • http://shaynroby.blogspot.com/ Shayn Roby

    #APNamesForRapists : “intimately challenged”

    • Ailsa Nordstrom

      A rape would be called “differently intimate encounter”

  • http://shaynroby.blogspot.com/ Shayn Roby

    #APNamesForObesePeople “Vertically Challenged”

  • http://shaynroby.blogspot.com/ Shayn Roby

    #APNamesForLesbians “Phallically Challenged”

    • GoSellCrazySomeplaceElse


    • trixiewoobeans

      And gay males can be “Mammary Deficient”!

  • NRPax

    “Burglar” is now referred to as “Independent Wealth Redistribution Agent.”

  • GaryTheBrave

    A robber is now an adrenaline motivator.

  • arttie

    Drunk driving is now Automotive Slalom

  • Silenttype78

    Robbers and thieves = opportunity seeking individuals.

  • marcellucci

    AP will now refer to pregnancies as “Benign Tumors”…..

    • trixiewoobeans

      No, They’re “malignant”, cause they’re growing!