Assault Blanket? Lib pants-wetting over Oberlin ‘racial incident'; Lena Dunham frets; Update: History of hoaxes

Heh.

How did the always absurd actress Lena Dunham weigh in, and why?

Oh, good grief.

Classes at Oberlin College were canceled on Monday, after a student reported seeing someone in “KKK paraphernalia.”

Other fretters swiftly weighed in with over-the-top proclamations.

Teabags!!111 of course. New tone and stuff.

But, what exactly was this KKK-hooded figure?

A blanket.

An unofficial Oberlin account takes to Twitter to breathlessly tweet information.

A “misunderstanding.”

Or, you know, typical pants-wetting liberal shrieking over nonsense:

Those Oberlin people are an excitable bunch. Get this: there was only one witness to this Phantom Klucker, and … well, read for yourself:

Lt Mike McCloskey of Oberlin police told the Guardian on Monday that officers were still following up the KKK sighting, but suggested that the only witness may have been mistaken.

“Officers checked the area and were unable to locate anybody. College security later saw a student wrapped in a blanket.”

 They shut the college down and are forcing everyone to go to a day of political re-education and communal shrieking because of Linus Van Pelt.

Unbelievable, yet totally believable. Oberlin College issued a statement that could not possibly have been written by anyone who can function outside of an Ivory Tower.

We hope today will allow the entire community—students, faculty, and staff—to make a strong statement about the values that we cherish here at Oberlin: inclusion, respect for others, and a strong and abiding faith in the worth of every individual. Indeed, the strength of Oberlin comes from our belief that diversity and openness enriches us all, and enhances the educational mission at its core.

We ask that all students, faculty and staff participate in the events planned for today:

12PM | Lord Lounge, Afrikan Heritage House
Teach-in led by Africana Studies Department

2PM | Wilder Bowl
Demonstration of solidarity

3:30PM | Finney Chapel

Community convocation: “We Stand Together” (previously scheduled for Wednesday 3/6 at 12PM)
When faced with difficult situations, Oberlin has consistently met the challenges and affirmed its commitment to the highest quality of education and the noblest aspirations of its community members. We believe that today’s events—and our ongoing work and discussions—will strengthen Oberlin and will strengthen us all.

The other “hate” incidents, not including nefarious things like assault blankets, are still being investigated. You know, in between girlish shrieking and pearl-clutching. Were they even hate-related at all?

The sane weigh in with hilarious results.

Indeed. Hey, why don’t they just tell students to feign fainting or to urinate when they come across dastardly wielders of assault blankets? They are certainly teaching the pants-wetting by example.

Update: Twitchy founder Michelle Malkin weighs in about her alma mater, and its history of hate crime hoaxes.

Nothing has changed. The self-victimization/manufactured racism impulse at Oberlin — and so many higher mis-education institutions across the country — is as strong and poisonous as ever.

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