Fabuleux! Ace of Spades shreds John Kerry’s lame French boasting and media swooning; Update: Paging Rick Klein

To whose bragging is he referring? Oh, the hilarity that is known as the Secretary of Dunce, John Kerry. Secretary of State Kerry let the French fly today.

Or, really, the French-ish. Media, of course, swooned.

Non-lapdogs weren’t so impressed.

Zut alors!

But, he can totally tell you where the library is, you guys. “Où est la bibliothèque?” Kerry is on it.

More Twitter users mock the highly mockable Kerry.

Yep, he said that. Oh, if only we had that option, Mr. Kerry!

Ace continues with the glorious drubbing.

And we are loving the slinging of the slams of hilarity. Even if some of it is in fancy pants French. More, s’il vous plaît!

Update: The shredding continues. Paging Rick Klein!

Yes. As Twitchy readers know, he did that. He also squeed over “Obama rising above – disdaining the process – and trying to make the choices bigger, not smaller.”


#JohnKerryNewCountries: John Kerry’s ‘Kyrzakhstan’ inspires gaffe-tastic mockery

Heh: John Kerry publicly embraces the American ‘right to be stupid’

What about your gaffes? Secretary of Dunce John Kerry can see ‘Kyrzakhstan’ from his house

Deep thoughts from John Kerry: ‘There is no pause button on the future’

#JKTweets: Predicting John Kerry’s State Dept. ‘JK’ tweets sparks hilarity

  • pajamakat

    “Charming his way” and “delighting audiences”. That made me laugh out loud. Lurch – charming ?? Is it just me ?

    • Joe W.


  • Maxx

    Can’t wait for the “Airplane” ride home when Kerry leaps into the aisle to come to the rescue of a flight attendent, struggling to understand a black passenger.

    “Oh stewardess, I speak jive!”

    • Canadian in USA

      “Cuddy say ‘e can’t hang!”

      • http://www.black-and-right.com/ IceColdTroll

        There's a sale at Penny's!

    • almarquardt

      Now that’s an image! Although, I think Kerry would “lurch,” not “leap” (I know, bad pun, but I couldn’t resist).

    • Jim Denney

      Shirley you jest?
      BTW, has anybody seen the blowup sex doll lately? Flying Dominican routes in private jets with Sen. Menendez you say?

    • BlueGood

      Here’s your first Russian Language lesson Kerry….”Keb Vas” !!!!

      Da….Keb Vas! ~~(Hint~ Starts with an F and ends in a U.)

  • Junie3

    4 more years, OMG!

  • http://www.facebook.com/lisa.dean.564 Lisa Dean

    Laissez les bons temps rouler John Kerry is speaking French while in France. Next we’ll here how he said Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir to the French President and was told only if it was a Menage a trois.

  • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil


    • WisconsinPatriot

      Your mastery of French is “not bad”.

    • Jim Denney

      DoogMerde! DobleDoogMerde! ~ from Inspector Closeau meets The Gopher in the French adaptation of Caddyshack

    • CatHerder


  • Jack Deth

    *In my best Peter Sellers/Inspector Clouseau voice*

    “Does your dog bite?”


    Dog bites Clouseau.

    “Hmmmph! You said your dog does not bite!”

    “That’s not my dog.”

    • Catchance

      “It’s the pheune! The pheune is ringing!”

      • Jack Deth

        “The Meenkee has a bewm!”

  • lainer51

    how do you say “I have a long, horse face but snagged a billionairess, whose husband made the money but died prematurely and now I am uber rich” in French….
    SHORT – I am one lucky AHOLE.

    • Kevin Krom

      “Je suis John Kerry”

  • Jim Denney

    Millions for a “smart” bilingual teleprompter, but not a nickel more for embassy security. Priorities in The Age of Obama.

    • SpinMeNot

      There is a Visa commercial in there somewhere, I’m not clever enough to figure it out tho …

  • SpinMeNot

    How do you say , “I am a donut” in French?

    • BlueGood

      Not the donut…the A-Hole

      • SpinMeNot


        But I was making a subtle reference to a speech JFK gave … in which he said “ich bin ein berliner” which when translated by a native speaker of German is actually, “I am a jelly donut”.

        • http://www.black-and-right.com/ IceColdTroll

          Ye-e-e-e-e-e-e–es . . . and no. He muffed the idiom, but what he said was understandable. If you look at the two (presumably German) men behind him, when he says it, they start laughing but applauding and talking & nodding at each other, like they’re sharing a quick “Bless his heart!”

          “Berliner” IS the correct name for a resident of Berlin. His mistake was using the def. article “ein” or “a”, the phrase he wanted was only “Ich bin Berliner.”

          • SpinMeNot

            Agreed, and that makes all the difference. Fortunately for us, the politics of the day were not so petty as they are today, when making fun of a president for the way he speaks is equivalent to making a political point.

    • http://www.facebook.com/lisa.dean.564 Lisa Dean

      I know how to order a chocolate eclair` and a pain au chocolat but I can’t help you with the other. 😉

  • nc

    Maybe he was trying to channel Lummiere.

  • FreedomFighter

    What is it with democrats and their eagerness to criticize the U.S. while theyre in another country?????

    • Scott Anderson

      They don’t wait until they’re in another country. Their mere existence is an indictment against our country.

  • Zefal

    This reminds me of a somewhat adult rated story:

    I was lucky enough to meet a beautiful French woman while eating at a French café while I was in Paris. To my surprise she offered, in broken English, to come back with me to my hotel room. Before I knew it we were under the covers, and not to brag, but she was moaning and kept repeating the phrase “Trou faux! Trou faux! Trou faux!”

    The next day I went golfing on a spectacular course near Versailles. I was the only English speaker in our foursome. We were on the ninth tee when Francois hit an almost 90 degree hook shot that ricocheted off two trees and landed on the eighth green behind us and rolled right into the hole! The three of us all started balling with laughter. Francois had no idea where is ball had gone; that’s when Pierre and Antoine started pointing back at the eighth green and shouting “Trou faux! Trou faux! Trou faux!”

    I’d thought I’d compliment kerry’s 8th grade French with some 8th grade humor. Sorry.

    • http://www.facebook.com/lisa.dean.564 Lisa Dean


      • Zefal

        Now that’s obscene 😉

        • http://www.facebook.com/lisa.dean.564 Lisa Dean

          Oh Snap! Rim Shot as in cymbals on a drum, you know “badum-ching”, not the other….Ok, I need to stop now because my face is red.

      • Zefal

        Now that’s obscene 😉

  • bidentime

    Senor Kerry, donde esta casa de pepe?

    • http://twitter.com/die_mich_zwei Spatial Awareness

      AAahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!! XD

  • Steve_J

    Errykay ishay ahay uffoonbay.

  • Scott Anderson

    Pull his passport.

  • BigTBoom

    So you mean the haughty, French-looking Massachusetts Democrat, who by the way served in Vietnam, only thinks he can speak French…

    • $23629333

      “French-looking”? He looks like one of those Galapagos turtles, with little of the charm.

  • John (it true me am)

    Chou baka da na!

    • Bristel

      Da yo ne!

    • Bristel

      Da yo ne!

  • Catchance

    “J’ai obtenu mes expressions françaises des traductions de Babylone.”
    No. Really. Either that, or Bing.

  • Catchance

    I wonder how he says, “Kyrzakhstan” in French. Heh. (He was referring to Kyrgyzstan, but seemed to be confused with Kazakhstan.)

  • RightThinking1

    Joey speaks ‘French’. It’s all good but skip to 2:30 if you must:


  • RightThinking1

    Any time that I have traveled overseas, the first (often the only) phrase I learn is, “Where is the toilet?”

    Excusez moi, mais ou sont les toilettes

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1481638587 Laura Thompson

      …being able to order beer and find out how much something costs are the other 2 important questions to know in multiple languages…

      • RightThinking1

        One leads to the other…,particularly the beer.

  • Calcat36

    John Kerry finally found his groove. The French surrendered in Vietnam, and John F’n Kerry tried to get the US to surrender as well! Still no word if he has thrown his diplomatic credentials off of the Eiffel Tower in a sign of solidarity. He has consistently been asked by the French press: “Monsieur, pourquoi le visage long?”

  • Donna W

    Monsieur Le Ketchup…LOL! (@BradThor)

  • $23629333

    Take a look at the picture of John Kerry, and tell me he doesn’t look like Lonesome George.

  • BlueStateRepub

    I got kicked out of French class after 2 weeks, barely getting past ‘my pants are bleu” and I speak better than that.

  • BlueStateRepub

    I got kicked out of French class after 2 weeks, barely getting past ‘my pants are bleu” and I speak better than that.

  • mike_in_kosovo

    Cindy Wood Wilkerson@wilkie4

    “How do you say, pompous gasbag in French?” – Weasel Zippers http://fb.me/19GA0I5mS

    I believe there’s two terms for that… “Barack Obama” and “John Kerry”.

  • concreteblue

    “Shreds????? Cheesus, no wonder CONservatives are losing the debate at every turn…..

  • concreteblue

    wow, erasing posts that aren’t the brain-dead regurgitation of the orthodoxy….yawn….

  • concreteblue

    the only thing being “shredded” here is the iq of of anybody unfortunate enough to read this drivel….

  • Ken Alan Draper

    John kerry doesn’t even have a language, just a stupid accent!
    ” she’s right! John kerry talks like Maurice Chevalier!! Hau! Hau! Hau!”