Banned from the teleprompter: #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay

The narcissist in chief loves to hear himself speak — preferably with a mirror or other reflective surface nearby. Even gaffe-tastic blunders are OK as long as he can hear the oh-so-dulcet tones of his own voice.

But there are plenty of phrases that aren’t likely to spill from President Obama’s yap in this lifetime. Luckily we have Twitter to catalog the #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay.

Keep ’em coming, Twitter.

  • NachoCheese (D)

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay Effectively immediately I hereby resign the Office of President of the United States.

    • Hiraghm

      Or, alternatively… “I am Constitutionally ineligible to hold the office of POTUS, so I resign immediately.

    • SineWaveII

      I don’t know….if things unfold the way I think they might; we may hear him say that in 2015.

    • nc

      And Biden too.

  • V the K

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay “I do think, at a certain point, the Government has spent enough money.”

    • Secede

      ” I will stay here and work on the budget and not take any more vacations until it’s fixed. And Moochelle is not allowed to go anywhere either”

      • Secede

        Or ” Chris Matthews ! Get your nose out of my rear end !”

  • TugboatPhil

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay – I love America!

    • V the K

      Well, he might say it sarcastically. .

      • TugboatPhil

        Or accidentally and then correct himself.

  • Silenttype78

    Obamacare is actually bad for America.

  • thetawake

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay Constitutionally, there is no way I can run for a third term.

    • SineWaveII

      I could easily imagine him saying that followed by a “however” or a “but”

  • no_more_deceit

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay -“Did you hear what the Great One, Mark Levin said today?”

  • mijo136

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay “Jeremiah Wright is a racist”

  • lainer51

    “I am so very sorry and will do my best to get to the truth” (to Brian Terry’s parents)

    • lainer51

      to the thumbs-down Einstein – you must be proud.

  • D3LN3GRO

    “that they are endowed by their Creator” / “under God”

  • TocksNedlog

    — “No more Executive Orders”
    — “You DID build that”
    — “No skeets were harmed during that Photoshop; uh, I meant ‘photo-op’.”
    — “The Fort Hood shooting was an act of terrorism”
    — “Government and my wife are a lot alike; they both have spending problems.”

  • peteee363

    we do not live in a democracy, but a republic, can i tell you the difference?

  • peteee363

    i love smoked dachshund jerky!

  • peteee363

    bill ayers is my friend.

    • SineWaveII

      “…and I agree completely with everything that Reverend Wright ever said.”

  • Steve_J

    #thingsyouwillneverhearobama say You did build that.

  • Jack Deth

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay: “Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!”

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay: “Transparency is what I say it is!”

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay: “My job here is done!”

  • HARP2

    I swing both ways.

    • SineWaveII

      Correction he says that all the time, just not where we can hear it.

  • aPLWBinAK

    –“we must do all we can to help defend Israel against Muslim terrorism”

  • aPLWBinAK

    —“there are 50 states”

    • John Woofman

      Maybe this “there are 50 states?????”

  • SJ’s Dad

    Here are my unsealed, unaltered Harvard Law transcripts, have a look!-)

  • Garth Haycock

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay – I am a textbook example of how not to throw a baseball.

    • SineWaveII

      …or do just about anything else.

  • John Woofman

    Things O-Bum-A will never say “The AR-15 is not an assault rifle”

  • ClinkinKY

    “My cabinet selections have the right to be stupid”. Of course he stole that from John F’n Kerry.

  • SineWaveII

    “Do you think maybe I’m becoming overexposed?”

  • Adela Wagner

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay “Alright Eric, you go in there, and tell the truth…”

    • Immis Johnson

      I love a lot of these comments, but yours is the best

  • Adela Wagner

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay “Michelle, girls, from now on, EVERY Sunday…CHURCH”.

  • Adela Wagner

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay “No more free education rides. You want to go to college bad enough, make the grades and get a scholarship or work your way through”.

  • ratizbad

    I built the sequester with my own pen and ignorance


    If I had a son he would look nothing like Trayvon

  • Rob

    During all of this:
    @angelagim #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay Women don’t deserve to be paid the same wages as men.

    @WheelmanForHire @angelagim He has said that:

    @WheelmanForHire No. He didn’t say it. But the White House is apparently doing it.

    @angelagim “actions speak louder than words” is the proverb I’d place there.

    @angelagim”you don’t debate with proverbs which is why the bible & other fairy tale books aren’t allowed in factual debates.”

    @angelagim proverb-short well-known saying: a short well-known saying that expresses an obvious truth and often offers advice #DictionaryOK?

    @WheelmanForHire proverbs aren’t allowed in debate. That’s a fact. Start using them because you’re wasting my time.

    @WheelmanForHire it’s STILL not a fact. Again, start using them instead of citing elementary, pointless definitions of inadmissible points.

    @angelagim If you knew someone who told you were smart but treated you like a complete idiot which is true? Which is FACT?


    • Adela Wagner

      Love when people run in and think they have to “correct” one liners. The epitome of being “anal”….

  • Immis Johnson

    “Gosh, she’s cute!”

  • Immis Johnson

    “What’s that, Leon? Trouble at the Libyan Embassy? I’m on this…I’m cancelling everything; this is more important…keep me up to date and get the planes ready to scramble…we’re going to do right by those guys!”

  • Maxx

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay “No Michelle, make your own sandwich”

  • RightThinking1

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay “I think Ben Carson may be right…”

  • Stephanie S

    “Tell Valerie Jarrett to take a flying leap. I will decide what to say and what to do from now on.”

  • Phil McMorrow

    Of couse I believe in transparency. I even have a few empty suits to clarify the view.

  • Scott Anderson

    This year, the First Lady and I will be taking our 17 vacations together to save money.

  • Liberty Ranger

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay.No Michelle … It is not the dress…. Your BUTT makes your BUTT look BIG!

  • Catchance

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay: You know, I think Netanyahu is right.

  • Bob FitzGibbon

    Thanks for the mention Twitchy!! Mucho appreciated.

  • $1014973

    Yes Michelle, that dress does make you look fat.

  • kim

    Things You Will Never Hear Obama say…
    Sequester.. I built that. I chose that. I own that.

  • BeeKaaay

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay I will respect religious freedom.

  • OneRing

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay “But enough about me. Let’s talk about you”

  • nc

    “ObamaCare was a big mistake. Let’s scrap it.”

  • C_W_W

    Obama: “I want you to suffer so that I can save you from suffering…It’s that simple”

  • C_W_W

    Obama: “Yes, Hillary had a stroke…that’s why she’ll never be President”

  • C_W_W

    Obama: “At first, I thought I was King…until I found out that I wasn’t”

  • JustLikeAnimals

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay “I take completely responsibility for the financial mess that has been created since I took office.”

  • Immis Johnson

    “I’m still pissed that Boddicker beat us in the ’83 playoffs…we had Luzinski, Kittle, AND the great Greg Walker…and that fat guy who never walked anyone; what the hell was his name?”

  • Immis Johnson

    “I’ve have to admit: I’ve never thought about it that way”

  • Immis Johnson

    “Whattya say we save some money and share a plane, my dear?”

  • Immis Johnson

    “I should run this by congress”

  • Immis Johnson

    “Put both teleprompters in the middle, right over the camera…for chrissake, I’m getting whiplash”

  • Immis Johnson


  • Immis Johnson

    “I love America”

  • Immis Johnson

    “Back when I was young and unknown and had to count on myself to make a living in the private sector, even before I wrote my several autobiographies, …”

  • Immis Johnson

    “I can’t believe how many idiots bought that ‘just pay a little more’ line. I never thought it would work, but Axelrod told me to say it like I was rubbing their faces in it, and…seriously, it was too easy.”

  • Chelle Renee

    I actually believe in a free market.

  • Chelle Renee

    A baby is not punishment, but a gift from God.

  • Chelle Renee

    Dishonest campaign ads shouldn’t happen in politics.

  • Chelle Renee

    Benghazi was not a bump in the road.

  • Chelle Renee

    George W. Bush has done more to help Africa than any other U.S. President.

  • Chelle Renee

    Governor Romney never actually said, “Let Detroit Go Bankrupt,” an editor gave that headline to his article.

  • Chelle Renee

    We have these things called telephones, that I never picked up to call Panetta during the attack on Benghazi nor to ask the Libyans for help.

  • Paul Citro

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay………CUT THIS

  • massjim

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay – “If you need me I will be in my office.”

  • massjim

    #ThingsYouWillNeverHearObamaSay – “If you need me I will be in my office.”