Women smothering boyfriends with killer boobs! Time for an assault breast ban?

Killer boobs? Was she wearing a high-capacity magazine bra? Or “magazine clips,” as President Obama would say. A woman in Washington state recently smothered her boyfriend with her killer rack, in a drunken brawl, reportedly.

Twitter was buzzing with the boob-y news. Is it time for a waiting period for bazongas?

Simple motorboating, or something more sinister?

Others rally to ban these deadly assault breasts, which seem to be increasingly falling into the wrong hands.

It’s an epidemic; it is happening in Germany, too!

Don’t hold your breath for an answer from Piers. It takes him hours and hours to come up with rejoinders. Plus, he’s far too busy madly crumpling paper in a fit of hissy. Oh, no! That’s ammunition: You can stuff bras with that.

  • John Palmer


  • Steve_in_RR

    Banning boobs? Whoa..not so fast. Let’s think this over/

    • ceemack

      If for no other reason than if we WERE to ban boobs, we’d need whole new sets of Congressmen, state legislators, big-city mayors, network “reporters”…

  • http://pinterest.com/j0s1395/ Josephine (D)

    Kate Upton should be arrested before she threatens Justin Verlander. Just sayin’.

  • radishthegreat

    MOLON LABE! :)

    • http://www.facebook.com/mark.kilgore.927 Mark Kilgore

      So be it.

  • Jim Evans

    Libs going for breast reduction laws to be immediately put in effect!

    • mary kile

      arrest Hollywood starlets! Plastic surgeons were seen heading to Mexican border, smuggling implants.

  • Jim Evans

    anything over DD has to be against the law

    • ZmartAzz

      Com’on man….Anthony Michael Hall, Weird Science… “Anything more than a handful its a waste!”…

    • mdtljt

      hey…hey now Jim…those of us who come by it naturally will beg to differ…

  • yojo

    perhaps we need to limit the capacity to a B cup. Who needs more than that?

    • HARP2

      As long as they are registered and have no pistol grip.

    • yojo

      and no flash suppressors…or telescoping stock

    • Grandma HeadInjury

      Were C cups even around during the time of our founding fathers? They had no idea how big they were going to get when the drafted the Constitution…

  • FreedomFighter

    I think we need a picture of her to make a better judgment

  • HARP2

    When we got married my wife had a nice little flower tattooed on her boob. Alas that was 40 years ago and is now a long stem rose.

  • sleazyrider

    Suicide by boobies?…or maybe boobicide?

  • HARP2

    Dolly Parton will have to go on the lam.

    • TheOriginalDonald

      Bill Anderson-And just then, they heard a voice sayin:

      Dolly Parton-“Hi, boys. You lookin’ for these.”

      Little Jimmy Dickens-And the littlest cowboy turned around to see two huge 38s pointed right at his face.

      Georger Jones-(Jimmy, you can’t say that!)

      LJD-(What? She had huge guns.)
      Smith and Wesson revolvers.
      Oh boy, were they loaded.

  • NixTyranny

    New stick-up line for female robbers, “Give me your money or I’ll …”

    • Tom Bannigan

      Shirtless girl was a crime fighter…

  • sleazyrider

    I kinda like the thought of open carry!

    • George Washington Mclintock

      Slam, and , dunk sir! If only I could this vote this up thrice!

    • ceemack

      I’d say there should be some sort of permitting process for that.

      Kate Upton: Approved.

      Janet Reno: Rejected with prejudice.

  • ZmartAzz

    Holy shat…so if a woman has breast enhancment done does that mean she now must get certified on how to use them properly? I’ll have training classes start tomorrow. Just saying.

  • sleazyrider

    Bigguns are better for hiding things…eh?

  • J.N. Ashby

    We don’t need to ban boobs, just boobs with aesthetic attachments (tassels, tattoos, silicone). The NTA needs to stop controlling congress and allow us to protect ourselves from these killer titties!

    • JustLikeAnimals

      Yeah, if her breasts have pistol grips, a folding stock, and can fire more than 7 rounds they are going to be banned.

      • J.N. Ashby

        I’d have a follow-up, but I’m sure it’d get deleted, or some Democrat bell end would declare it sexist, and a war on women, etc..

  • marcellucci

    “Walking abreast” is now considered an Accessory Offense….

    Sorry….couldn’t help myself……

  • JustLikeAnimals

    Quick, someone get Piers Morgan on this right away!!!!!! And have Joe Biden form a blue ribbon committee to study the problem and make recommendations to King Hussein so he can line up a bunch of boob-whipped whiners and signs some Executive Orders.

  • DANEgerus

    Bloomberg dictates limit to C-cup as enough 4 anyone

  • GoSellCrazySomeplaceElse

    Maybe this is why Obama follows #ILikeTitsDaily. Research.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mark.kilgore.927 Mark Kilgore

    He has to come up for air, survival 101.

  • http://www.facebook.com/mark.kilgore.927 Mark Kilgore

    He has to come up for air; survival 101.

  • http://www.theconservativevoices.com/ dmacleo

    they’ll have to take those boobs from my cold dead hands.

  • Grumpa Grumpus

    I first thought this was a story about the senate…

  • Mark Stephens

    But can you think of a better way to go?

  • ceemack

    Let’s see…51 years old, lived in a trailer…she may have been large in more than two places. Let’s just say we’re probably not talking about someone who looks like Kate Upton.

    With a lot of work and self-discipline, she might able to get herself up to the Rosie O’Donnell/Roseanne Barr level.

    In fact, this may have been a mercy killing.

  • $23639361

    McKeever is probably correct, but if I could have a choice of the “killer” boobs that send me to a “dirt nap”…. a pair packed by any of the Victoria Secrets “angels” would be fine w/ me. ….did I say that out loud??

  • ceyanne

    If it can save just one person, we must ban them!

  • Mark Langlois

    We must outlaw bras that can contain more than 45 triple G! NO ONE needs a bra to contain more than triple D! We must do it to SAVE THE CHILDREN!

  • Ken Alan Draper

    At least he died with a smile, bye the bye, anyone who finds themselves targeted by assault boobs just call, I’ll gladly put myself in the line of fire……unless they hang down to her knees of course.

  • Ken Alan Draper

    right now Obama & holder are selling breast implants to the Mexican drug cartels.

  • http://www.facebook.com/lisa.dean.564 Lisa Dean

    For the children we should hide the boobs and for the men we should not allow drinking and “over exposure”. It’s our civic duty ladies to be safe with our built in weapons and register the boobs with NTA (National Tit Association) since the NBA is already taken. We wouldn’t want to confuse anyone.

  • TheOriginalDonald

    You can’t make this stuff up!!!!

  • $23629333

    Sounds like something out of a Russ Meyer movie.

  • Tom Bannigan

    Now we are going to get laws about how we can not motorboat while drinking. /sarcasm

  • porgiefirefighter

    This brings up the safety question of combining large boobs with alcohol? Does this put men needlessly at risk? We need research before considering legislation. Volunteers?

    • Ken Alan Draper

      I’d been researching that very subject when i was in my early 20’s. I found that death was a possible outcome, but extremely rare. most experiments ended with some memory loss, black eyes. & strained neck muscles. on one occasion our control subject was forced to knaw an arm off to escape.

  • porgiefirefighter

    Don’t mention torpedo bras. The left will go nuts.

  • BeeKaaay

    Just watch. Our government will take a page out of China’s playbook.

    We will have mandatory “one boob” laws. The second boob must be aborted, err, sliced away.