@ExJon Taking someone else's lunch from the cafeteria refrigerator will result in loss of hand ownership privileges. #TalibanOfficeRules
—
Sunny (@sunnyright) January 11, 2013As Twitchy reported, President Obama and Afghan President Hamid Karzai have decided that the Taliban deserve an “office” in Doha, Qatar. And knowing how strict the Taliban can be, it’s important for future staff to be clear on the rules. Fortunately, some intrepid Twitterers managed to get a hold of the HR manual. Grab your tablets and chisels and copy all this down:
Obama agrees to opening of Taliban office in Qatar. Employee manual is REALLY strict. twitchy.com/2013/01/11/wha… #TalibanOfficeRules—
Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) January 11, 2013
After 2 weeks, any unclaimed tupperware in the fridge shall be stoned. #TalibanOfficeRules—
Cuffé (@CuffyMeh) January 11, 2013
Don't forget, the code for setting your voicemail is 1456, the code for your vest is 1546 #TalibanOfficeRules—
S.M (@redsteeze) January 11, 2013
FOR WOMEN: Appropriate atire must cover at least from the top of your head to the tip of your toes. #TalibanOfficeRules—
Sunny (@sunnyright) January 11, 2013
Not setting off the metal detector is grounds for immediate termination. #TalibanOfficeRules—
Nathan Wurtzel (@NathanWurtzel) January 11, 2013
#TalibanOfficeRules termination is not loss of rank or job, termination is loss of your head.—
(@bradcundiff) January 11, 2013
#TalibanOfficeRules Please do not wash your wife's blood from your robe before arriving to work. We want to always impress the client.—
Frank (@drlecter79) January 11, 2013
#TalibanOfficeRules If a brother takes the last cup of goat milk, refill the pail. (Goat in Hamid's office.)—
Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) January 11, 2013
#TalibanOfficeRules ~ Life insurance is no longer offered in the benefits package—
GR Hutson (@jess_reign_bass) January 11, 2013
Calling in late – you get three warnings. Calling in dead via suicide bomb – PROMOTION #TalibanOfficeRules—
S.M (@redsteeze) January 11, 2013
Public Displays of Affection will not be tolerated. Please leave your goat at home #TalibanOfficeRules—
John Collins (@VStrom_John) January 11, 2013
You get 2 weeks vacation, plus 4 personal days for honor killings #TalibanOfficeRules—
Greg Pollowitz (@GPollowitz) January 11, 2013
Photography of your unclean posterior upon the copy machine shall be punished by death. #TalibanOfficeRules—
John Hayward (@Doc_0) January 11, 2013
#TalibanOfficeRules Please remember to leave the conference room door CLOSED when chemical weapons tests are in progress, thx. *smiley face*—
Kristi (@Red__Rover) January 11, 2013
#TalibanOfficeRules. Improper use of company tablets and chisels is forbiden.—
Galyn Jensen (@Galynjen) January 11, 2013
#TalibanOfficeRules A cover sheet must go with all TPS hostage videos.—
Razor (@hale_razor) January 11, 2013
#TalibanOfficeRules When stoning a tardy employee, wear steel-toed boots, support belt and proper eye protection. [OSHA 29 CFR 196.14.2(c)]—
Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) January 11, 2013
Diesel fuel used for car bombings is not reimbursable under travel expenses. #TalibanOfficeRules—
Jason Davenport (@iamjasond) January 11, 2013
#TalibanOfficeRules when punching in at the time clock, do not use the one wired to the cell phone.—
Prudence Paine (@PruPaine) January 11, 2013
#TalibanOfficeRules Inquires regarding compensation differences between male & female employees results in immediate termination of female.—
(@bradcundiff) January 11, 2013
#TalibanOfficeRules No smoking inside the blast radius.—
Mark Anderson (@KJHondo) January 11, 2013
The suggestion box is always open. Female employees who use it shall be beaten. #TalibanOfficeRules—
John Hayward (@Doc_0) January 11, 2013
#TalibanOfficeRules ~ The severance package includes much severing—
GR Hutson (@jess_reign_bass) January 11, 2013
#TalibanOfficeRules Employees must wash their hand before leaving the restroom—
(@Babuga) January 11, 2013
Required reading: The 7 Habits of Highly Explosive People #TalibanOfficeRules—
Cuffé (@CuffyMeh) January 11, 2013
#TalibanOfficeRules The last employee to leave must lock the door and blow out the candle.—
Jon Gabriel (@ExJon) January 11, 2013
It’s a lot to take in, but with careful attention to detail and good memorization techniques, you could be well on your way to a plum job with the most dynamic company this side of the 11th century!
Just don’t forget to make out your will first.