Guns don't kill people, pillows do: #assaultweapon list expands

President Obama and congressional Democrats are pushing harder than ever for a federal assault weapons ban, but what exactly constitutes an assault weapon? If we’re gonna ban them, we’d better know what they are! Helpful conservatives are pitching in with some great suggestions:

Snort.

Watch out!

So, what’s it all boil down to?

We’re in for a treat.

  • http://twitter.com/mglala2006 mg

    marshmellows and cotton balls ?

  • sybilll

    Ham sandwich #assaultweapon (Just ask Mama Cass)

    • mike_in_kosovo

      Not to interrupt the snark, but Cass actually died of a heart attack.

    • mike_in_kosovo

      Not to interrupt the snark, but Cass actually died of a heart attack.

  • sja

    poorly made anti-Islam films

  • NachoCheese (D)

    Sticks. We need to ban assault trees so those dangerous pieces of wood no longer threaten our children! #ForTheChildren(tm) #assultweapon

  • icelund

    Turning a national tragedy into a snide hashtag, all in the name of mocking the opposition. I’m sure that helps the grieving parents in Newtown. #Classless seems more appropriate.

    • NachoCheese (D)

      No one is turning a national tragedy into a hashtag game, unless you consider the Democrats knee-jerk reckless demands for immediate legislation to be a national tragedy.

      • icelund

        So in your eyes equating the weapons used to mow down a room full of children with sticks and marshmellows is totally respectful?

        It remains classless, and more than a little disgusting.

        • NachoCheese (D)

          We are not equating with the weapons used, we are mocking the Democrats ignorant and ever evolving definition of “assault weapon”.

          Also, the demand to reinstate the 1994 assault weapons ban would not have prevented the Connecticut monster’s mother from buying the rifle he stole from her and used in the massacre…

          http://reason.com/blog/2012/12/18/would-adam-lanzas-rifle-have-been-covere

          But what are facts when we have ignorant, emotion driven demands for expanded government control?

        • grais

          Maybe you can give us a real definition of “assault weapon.”

        • peteee363

          so the worst mass killing at a school the offender did not use a gun, he used tnt. what did both killings have in common, the nut case who pulled the trigger/lit the fuse. until you face the real problem, we will face even more of these shootings, just ask chicago. they banned handguns, yet every day people are gunned down there.

        • Grandma HeadInjury

          Gosh! I bet u mad! We’ll miss you when you are gone!

    • carla5731

      I wish Obama cared half as much about the 13 dead Fort Hood soldiers as you do about this hashtag game.

      • peteee363

        or the hundreds killed with fast and furious weapons in mexico!

    • Joseph Phillips

      There are so many terrible things in the world. How do you make it through the day? Boohoo.

    • http://twitter.com/thetugboatphil TugboatPhil

      What happened in Connecticut is a national event because of the 24 hour news channels. Kids have been getting slaughtered in Chicago for the last year, in a GUN FREE city and the news people have said SQUAT about that. Could the difference be that the kids in Chicago aren’t white?

      You might want to stop wearing out the word “tragedy.” That implies an event of chance or accident. Newtown was a horrific atrocity committed willfully by an individual devoid of human emotion.

      Your outrage is duly noted and will be long remembered if our freedom is taken from us by turning this atrocity into a snide, political move to outlaw gun ownership, despite that having nothing to do with it.

    • mike_in_kosovo

      Yet, you don’t seem to have any issue with the constant mocking of gun owners as being paranoid nutters – imagine that.

    • mike_in_kosovo

      Yet, you don’t seem to have any issue with the constant mocking of gun owners as being paranoid nutters – imagine that.

    • mike_in_kosovo

      Bet you’re cool with this guy, though:

      http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2012/dec/19/man-ejected-murfreesboro-mall-had-shirt-asking-has/?partner=RSS

      “MURFREESBORO — A man ejected from the Stones River Mall in
      Murfreesboro for wearing what mall security deemed an “extremely
      distasteful” shirt was arrested Saturday on criminal trespassing and
      false report charges.

      Stanley Bryce Myszka, 42, was escorted from the mall by security
      after he refused to remove or turn inside out a shirt that read “Has
      your gun killed a kindergartner today?” He was then arrested by
      Murfreesboro Police, who responded to the mall at the request of
      security officers.”

  • Steve_J

    A fighters hands are assault weapons.

  • Gary Willhoit

    RoseanneBarr#assaultweapon

  • Joseph Phillips

    Shoes, belts, bottles of water, cranberry sauce, cologne, creamy dips and spreads, gift baskets with food items, gravy, jams, jellies, lotions, maple syrup… oh… wait… this is on the TSA advisory page. Sorry.

  • peteee363

    a few weeks ago a woman killed a guy with her bra, so let’s ban bras!

  • BeyondPolls

    -Obamacare

    -A wet cloth

  • Grandma HeadInjury

    Pretty much anything coming out of Joe Biden’s mouth #assaultweapon

  • Grandma HeadInjury

    Obama’s teleprompter at a Newtown memorial service.

  • Grandma HeadInjury

    Those “tears” that magically appeared out of Obama’s eyebrows(?!?).

  • http://twitter.com/MajorRod93 MajorRod93

    Slapping just ask John Stossel.

  • cacman93

    Words #assaultweapon

  • AaronHarrisinAlaska

    Is it not a coincidence that when the UK banned all fire arms that crimes involving stabbing and bludgeoning skyrocketed? And the UK, unable to see the real problem, is pondering making it illegal to carry a knife of just about any kind on your person while in public.

  • AaronHarrisinAlaska

    Is it not a coincidence that when the UK banned all fire arms that crimes involving stabbing and bludgeoning skyrocketed? And the UK, unable to see the real problem, is pondering making it illegal to carry a knife of just about any kind on your person while in public.

  • AaronHarrisinAlaska

    Has any one considered that the body of a martial artist is considered a deadly weapon? There is actually an example of this. A man was found innocent of murder when he shot a man in self defense. The man he shot was a known martial arts master. When a volunteer to the coast showed just how fast and accurate such people could be with their hands and fists the court ruled that the mans body, such trained, is a deadly weapon. Are we going to start banning martial arts?

    • Emily B

      I saw a story once about a man who abused his wife and was charged with assault with a deadly weapon because he stomped on her with boots on (the boots being the deadly weapon). I guess no more boots?? Darn. I love boots!

  • AaronHarrisinAlaska

    Has any one considered that the body of a martial artist is considered a deadly weapon? There is actually an example of this. A man was found innocent of murder when he shot a man in self defense. The man he shot was a known martial arts master. When a volunteer to the coast showed just how fast and accurate such people could be with their hands and fists the court ruled that the mans body, such trained, is a deadly weapon. Are we going to start banning martial arts?

  • sleazyrider

    Beans….

  • sleazyrider

    Beans….

  • sleazyrider

    At least….ban the great northens…phew!!

  • sleazyrider

    At least….ban the great northens…phew!!

  • Lord Foggybottom

    Liberal “intellect.”

    • mike_in_kosovo

      That’s not an assault weapon, that’s an oxymoron.

  • Lord Foggybottom

    Liberal “intellect.”

  • redheadgrl

    you can file down the edge of your credit card to be as sharp as a box cutter….

  • redheadgrl

    you can file down the edge of your credit card to be as sharp as a box cutter….

  • http://twitter.com/jinx_mchue Severe Conservative

    Add lakes and bathtubs to the list because of Susan Smith and Andrea Yates.

  • http://twitter.com/jinx_mchue Severe Conservative

    Add lakes and bathtubs to the list because of Susan Smith and Andrea Yates.

  • marcellucci

    #assaultweapon ABC, CBS, NBC, MSNBC, CNN, Current……

  • stuckinIL4now

    Nancy Pelosi’s face.
    Harry Reidiculous’s insanity.

  • sleazyrider

    44 DD’s

    • ceemack

      Those would be weapons of mass distraction, not assault weapons.

      And bring a whole new dimension to the term “open carry”.

  • http://twitter.com/mklo096 Adi

    Obama and Holder.
    The proverbial pen being mightier than a sword.
    A plane plunged into a skyscraper.
    George Soros.
    Water.
    Some mushrooms.
    Rattlesnakes.
    Gangnam style.

  • http://twitter.com/mklo096 Adi

    NHS.

  • Citizen0000

    Liberalism, good intentions and over reach kill people.

    I just realized it’s that time of year where people die from Christmas light over usage, time for a ban?

  • teresa

    A broken heart