Roseanne: 'Ishtar is the reason' for Hanukkah

It’s becoming clear that Roseanne Barr is handling her presidential defeat worse than Mitt Romney. While Romney chose to retreat to La Jolla, Roseanne seems to have chosen La-La Land. Tonight she’s on a “goddess” kick, declaring that the pagan goddess Ishtar is the reason for Hanukkah.

Okay, honey, let’s straighten out your Jewish holidays. Esther is Purim, Hanukkah is Judah Maccabee. Mm’kay?

No, really, she’s not. We even tried to Google this theory to see if there’s some weird online group pushing it. Nothing. Oh, and that’s not even the weird stuff!

23, 42, 54, HIKE!

That’s about what we thought, Freddie. Thanks for vocalizing it for us.

  • Nick Peters

    All anyone needs to answer Roseanne’s nonsense.

    • Sad Chestertonian

      Wonderful, thank you! I strongly recommend reading Chesterton’s “the Ball and the Cross”, as well as “the Everlasting Man”, both prominently address this tired old argument in two wonderfully different ways.
      She insults the memory of the great Jewish myrters of the revolt, particularly the 7 sons. Furthermore, that old Turkish religion had been replaced with Helenism by that time, much as the Greeks were attempting to impose on Israel. Turky remained culturaly Greek until the fall of Constantinople.

  • Rafael Eduardo Peña-Rios Riber
  • TocksNedlog

    Has @Roseanne’sEggnogBlog been trending?

  • Fake Obama Follower

    So the reason for Chanukah is a 1987 Warren Beatty flop?

    • TomJB

      Ishtar only *seems* to go on for 8 days… Looks more like Roseanne may have left herself logged in at the methadone clinic again.

  • Richard J Sunkle

    Drugs are bad, M’kay?

  • Josephine (D)

    Jewish traditions must be a hard subject for her, eh? It’s about the Maccabees’ Revolt, stupid.

  • Bigeddie173

    When she first came out she was funny. I liked her standup and her TV show Roseanne (the first few seasons before it got stupid) What the hell happened to her? Some kind of mental illness?

    • thetreyman

      she stopped taking her meds.

  • Dr Natural

    Did she actually mention the Great White Buffalo?
    Ted Nugent must be proud.

  • nc

    Will someone go check on her and make sure she isn’t lighting any candles?

  • Moue La Moue (D)

    And here I thought froot loops was a brand of cereal. My bad. /sarc.

  • amabokcuf

    This broad is as ugly as moldy dogshit and as stupid as, well, Rosanne Barr.

  • Harlan Hikaru Fox

    Hey Roseanne, how about you buy me some of whatever you’ve been drinking? You’re rich, you can afford it.

  • Karl H

    So it is possible to OD on liberal koolaid! I knew liberalism was a mental disorder and now I think we have a lead to the identity of patient 0.

    Now back away slowly and do not smile if you bear your teeth she/it may interpret that as a confrontational posture and she/it may attack.

    So if someone were to tranq her and put her on a plane to Moscow would anyone notice?

  • ClinkinKY

    I thought Ishtar was simply the worst movie ever made. I learn something new every day:)

  • vcferlita

    What do Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beatty have to do with Christmas?

  • BeyondPolls

    I’m not surprised Roseanne is in touch with the Anons.

  • Brian Mouland

    Just go away Rosie!

  • Brian Mouland

    Just go away Rosie!

  • kayakingfatso

    Roseanne should get together with Anne Heche.

  • kayakingfatso

    Roseanne should get together with Anne Heche.

  • Teresa Davis McCormick

    she has obviously been smoking something…..who cares?

  • $23629333

    How about a new TV talk show? Call it the “Rubber Room” and have the likes of Roseanne and Cher and (fill in the blank) interview names in the news, and discuss current events.* I’d watch it.

    (* yes, sort of like “The View,” but with a lot more (unintended) laughs)

  • SpinMeNot

    Lets get this settled — Jesus, Son of Mary and Joseph, born in Jerusalem sometime in the first two weeks of August relative to the current “western” calendar”.

    Early Christian church fragmented, Constantine calls for the Council of Nicea in or around 327 A.D., result church is more unified. Church expands throughout the acquiescence of the Roman Empire. The Church needs to find a way to bring the barbarian tribes of Northern Europe, the pagans what of we often collectively call the British Isles, into the fold — but is having difficulties shaking off the traditional celebrations.

    The celebration of Jesus’ birth and crucifixion are relocated to coincide with the two most important holidays for many of the pagan/barbarian tribes — Spring and Winter solstices. Winter for birth, Spring for renewal.

    Its not hard — does it really matter what day we celebrate them on?

  • Stephanie Warren

    Is this woman on meth or something?