BREAKING: Romney Leads in New Poll; Canada Tightens Border Security—
Andy Borowitz (@BorowitzReport) October 09, 2012
Borowitz, an alleged comedian with a history of comedic ineptitude, took a stab at an Onion-esque article for The New Yorker in which he wrote of Canada’s tightening of its border in anticipation of a massive influx of angry Americans (Canada’s giving xenophobic Americans a taste of their own medicine! Get it?). And, much like an onion, the article stinks.
Stating that the R.C.M.P. is patrolling every kilometre of the Canadian border, ["R.C.M.P. deputy commissioner Randolph McTavish"] issued this warning to Americans who might try to cross into Canada illegally: “If you drive a Prius, you will be stopped.”
He also warned Americans against trying to slip across the border in the hopes of passing as Canadians: “It is very difficult, if not impossible, to pretend to like hockey.”
Mr. McTavish said that he was sympathetic with those who might flee across the border in search of a new life and socialized medicine, but added, “At the end of the day, forty-seven per cent of Americans is more than Canada can handle.”
We’re still waiting for the hilarity to ensue. Something tells us we’ll be waiting a while.