Bombshell New York Times scoop: Autumn is almost here; ‘News’ sparks #NYTscoops hilarity

BREAKING: Summer is giving way to autumn. But you can rest easy knowing the New York Times is all over this one.

If only. The paper of record “reports“:

Now the days, often as not, are still summery, if more bearably so. The midday sun is not perceptibly lower in the sky.

But the sun has, somehow, gotten faster.

Somehow the sun sets faster. Because, like, molecules and stuff. Mysterious molecules.

As Ace notes, there’s a second scoop here: “frustrated wannabe novelists will often try debuting their schtick in alternate venues.”

Ooooh. Sorry, New York Times. Points off for mentioning bells without using the word “tintinnabulation.”

The author, Andy Jones, is tickled pink (or purple, as it were) with his Rick Klein-worthy prose poem.

The mockery was swift … as swift as the enigmatic September sun.

But could we be overlooking the gravity of this earth-shattering scoop?

  • http://www.facebook.com/brett.mcmicken Brett McMicken

    and, let me guess: somehow, fall is another infallible proof of global warming

    • CoastalMaineBird

      Fall is a Republican plot, designed to make all the trees look alike.

      • J. Cox

        WIN!!

      • http://www.facebook.com/brett.mcmicken Brett McMicken

        does that make fall racist, as well?

      • http://www.facebook.com/brett.mcmicken Brett McMicken

        does that make fall racist, as well?

      • Netmilsmom

        And it’s all Mitt’s fault.

    • Mom for Mitt

      Did you hear? An environmentalist group is withholding campaign donations from the Obama camp because he hasn’t made good on his 2008 promise to save the environment. Really? Did they buy that he would reverse global warming or some such ludicrous thing? THAT is the mentality of those who voted for him 4 years ago. It is quite humorous!

    • Mom for Mitt

      Did you hear? An environmentalist group is withholding campaign donations from the Obama camp because he hasn’t made good on his 2008 promise to save the environment. Really? Did they buy that he would reverse global warming or some such ludicrous thing? THAT is the mentality of those who voted for him 4 years ago. It is quite humorous!

  • agoodeye

    How does NYT top this story? Here’s one for you – daytime ends when night begins.

    • http://www.facebook.com/gary.dewyn Gary Dewyn

      Have you ever noticed how it gets darker when the sun goes down?

  • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

    Someone should let them know that the sun will begin to be perceptively lower in the sky, on the autumnal equinox, Sept. 22nd. That should ease their fears that the sun may be ‘going faster’

  • Garth Haycock

    #NYTscoops – it’s called a newspaper because it’s made of paper and has news printed on it!

  • http://www.facebook.com/john.hanover.35 John Hanover

    I wonder if fish wrapped in the NY Times lose that last brain cell before the big sleep in the freezer to be dinner later? If they are wrapped in the NY Times does it give a slight toxicity to it make it inedible, much like their ” editorials ” ? I am so glad we have the NY Times to tell us autumn is here, because I was confused with all the hot weather in the day and then cold at night as well as the morning, oh did I mention that I thought the trees were sick because the leaves changed color and started falling.

  • http://www.facebook.com/gary.dewyn Gary Dewyn

    Next they’ll report that sexism exists in the avian community because certain birds are called Peacocks.

  • SJBill

    Oh, how Summer has Fallen!

  • Mom for Mitt

    And there’s a new soda ban!!! Please save me from myself because I may just OD on sugar before the terrorists get to me!!! Truly, I’d expect more from NY given the target on them!

  • Mom for Mitt

    And there’s a new soda ban!!! Please save me from myself because I may just OD on sugar before the terrorists get to me!!! Truly, I’d expect more from NY given the target on them!