Lapdog poetry: Rick Klein gushes over Bill Clinton with junior high-worthy verse

Aw, bless his precious heart. Looks like ABC’s Rick Klein spent the summer sneaking clove cigarettes at creative writing sleep-away camp with the other aspiring teen poets. Courtney Stodden’s got nothing on “real journalist” e.e. klein.

The Twitterverse stepped up to offer the Bard of A-BC-von some constructive criticism of his poetic leg tingle for Bill Clinton.

Blogger Ace of Spades generously offered his services as a creative writing coach to the starry-eyed lapdog, complete with hilarious examples of Rick Kleinery. The brutal mockery was a living, breathing organism.

Look out Reader’s Digest poets. Ace of Spades is unbowed. Defiant. Squamous. We may have just experienced a Gloppening.

  • digitalPimple

    Great right wing conspiracy… and stuff.

  • Davis Powell


  • Paul C.

    Bill has nothing to do with this moron in office he’s doing it for Hillary in 2016.

    • James Atkins

      Agreed. I fully believe that Bubba knows whats going to happen in November. Hillary was wise to stay far far away from the DNC and the train wreck it is.

      • Gstephens

        The whole world knows how much Clinton dislikes Obama. Clinton is pathological, but very smart. He does nothing for others for free.

        BTW, Student above was hilarious!

    • Sandy Pfaff

      He’s doing it to get some of that trillion bucks Rahm Emmanuel socked away for the O re-election campaign….Bill don’t do nothing for free…not even his wife…

      • James Neal

        Paul, James, Gstephens and Sandy — all you guys have been reading my mail! I made all of these exact comments to friends today. Good to know that great minds think alike! And that I’m not the only one that has slick willy’s number….

  • weRbroke

    Slick Willhe was doing his level best to cling to some remnants of the D-onkey party. I can’t stand to watch him, he make my skin crawl in disgust for the PIG that he really is.

  • grais

    It was a stark and dormy night….

  • robcrawford2

    It does have a Lovecraftian tone to it, doesn’t it?

  • stuckinIL4now

    I can think of a lot of ugly squirmy filthy creatures that qualify as living breathing organisms …

  • Matt Kurlander

    “[Clinton] speech was a living, breathing organism.” Yeah, so is an intestinal parasite.

    • otay

      Nobody in that arena listened to Bill Clinton’s speech with an analytical mind. He could have recited “Mary had a little lamb,” and the crowd would have whooped and hollered their approval.

  • CofTAS

    That was coffee out my nose funny…. Standing O to “The Student”….absolutley hilarious.

  • Hoping for the Kingdom

    I think he meant “orgasm”. 😉

  • allenbarr

    the whole lot of these with the dnc are somrthing just short in not criminals. their shady life covered up or not even investigated, but all guilty of evil.

    • allenbarr

      wow should have proofread this before typing

  • ShawnP

    This one time in band convention.

  • TugboatPhil

    Whew! Ace was getting a bit steamy there. I was hoping to read something about “as her bodice was undone by his large fingers, her milky, white bosoms sprung forth like two pups running across a field.”

    Oh my. I think I have the Vapors!

    • Maria

      I would read that in my “library”. Seriously, I would. It would be my #1 bathroom book, and that is an honor not many books have! They have to be hot, steamy, well written, and sexy like AceofSpacesHQ’s little story up there.

      • TugboatPhil

        Di, Have you ever read Liz Carlyle? She’s in the Historical Romance section. She went to high school with my Missus and she gets to read and critique prior to submitting for publishing. I’ve never read one all the way through, but think I could probably write one.

        If you get a chance, look for “Never Romance a Rake.” I get half billing on the dedication page! (the other half is my dawg)

        • grais


        • Gaius Pompus Magnus

          Right on!

        • Maria

          Oh yes! Historical & Medieval Romance are my favorite genres! I love Liz Carlyle’s “Three Little Secrets”. She is an extremely talented author. Wow, your Missus knows her..lucky. 😀 Yes! I will look for that book and more of hers, it’s great reading! Hmm, well there’s no law against men writing romance novels, so if you do write one, let me know and I’ll buy it. Hehe. Half billing eh? Nice!

  • DrDean

    Living, breathing, what?

    You know what this means: The Democrats are gonna need even more tax payers money to pay for “Free!” “Morning-After-Clinton” pills for women, LGBTQ, and peoples of color.. because it is their “Right!”. Obama already signed the executive order…

    • James Neal

      …and it’s preloaded on the teleprompter…but A. V. can’t read….

  • Zapzipzim

    That was the most gloppening thing I’ve ever read. Superb.

    • Zapzipzim

      Oh dear. I just gave in and read it aloud in a Cartman voice. That was even better. I am ashamed, yet giggling.

  • Maria

    @AceofSpadesHQ is fantastic and should write a political sci-fi thriller NOW!
    Gloppening and squamous for the win!

    When Klein says, “this speech was a living, breathing organism. the crowd, the hall, the speech, one” So that’s what Slick Willy named his….y’know.. Speech. Odd name for one, but I digress. To each his own..

  • RebeccaH

    I’ve never much admired Twitter, but I think The Student’s story was twice as funny told in tweets. I also never thought of Bill Clinton as squamous before. #Revelation

  • diskinetic

    “the crowd, the hall, the speech, one.” – The United States of America: zero, and the crowd/hall/speech have the ball on their own twenty.

  • paevo

    I imagine they said the same thing about the mobs whipped up by Robbespierre and others during the French Revolution. See Ann Coulter’s Demonic for details…

  • $30423294

    Love him or hate him, you have to admire Mr. Clinton’s rhetorical skills.

    He set the bar way, way low, and then claimed victory for Obama’s having jumped over it by a hair’s breadth!

    The syllogism:

    When Obama took office we were losing 750,000 jobs/month
    A president who manages to lose less than 750,000 jobs/month is a winner.
    Mr. Obama has so far (knock wood) managed to lose fewer than 750,000 jobs/month.
    Ergo, Mr. Obama is a winner.

    Flawless logic.

    But note: it all depends what the meaning of the word “winner” is.

    Same old Clinton.

  • John Conner

    Would have liked to see a nod to Coleridge and his Rime…
    “It is a former POTUS, and he charmeth the DNC”.
    “With my long-sword, I stained the BLUEDRESS”.
    “A thousand thousand slimy things,
    cheered on, and so did I.”

  • NOZERO2012

    “Squamous” = Brilliant!

  • Buckshot LeFonque

    “[Clinton] speech was a living, breathing orgasm.” – Sandra Fluke

  • Greg Kelly

    “Well in Charlotte they had a message and it was ‘pretty schnazzy’, this is what it was basically ‘you`re a victim and you need government to take care of you and if you believe that, you must re-elect President Obama’ and overwhelming democratic control of the Congress over the last 52 years, Fannie Mae, Freddie mac under command of Chris Dodd and Barney Frank isn`t even in the narrative anymore as to what led to the fall in 2008 because ya know you are all helpless and well…..stupid, I feel your pain.”

  • John Hanover

    I have thrown away more substantive poetry that truly sucked and it was still better than what he put out.
    ” The crowd the room
    Breathing exercises
    Birthing bad poem ” A Haiku based on the schlock one above.

  • BennyIsMyNameBeerIsMyGame

    So this site is dedicated to stalk people on twitter and blast anyone who’s not conservative,call them “lapdogs” or “vile” and then defend everything from the right,basically.That’s pretty obnoxious.No wonder it’s Malkin’s site.


    • Andrew Fry

      It’s a right wing site. Now go bitch at Kos for blasting everyone conservative and defending the left you knucklehead.

      • BennyIsMyNameBeerIsMyGame

        Playa please…cry a little why don’t you,It’ll fit perfectly with this place.Crybaby.

        Btw,this site is still creepy.

    • Carol Klinger

      we are squamous, hear me roar…

  • NYConservative

    Holy crap, Ace owes me a keyboard now that I `ve spit my lunch all over it,lmfao

  • Gaius Pompus Magnus

    “It was a snark and dromey night, infused as it was with the writhing, pulsating, shimmering passion of democrat love for killing babies….how can any democrat, anywhere, rest ever, when there is one more baby out there left to kill?

  • Gaius Pompus Magnus

    Sandra Fluke! Sandra Fluke! Call your office! There are live babies out there in the world! Start killing! Start killing them now! Keep killing until none of the vile creatures are left alive!

  • PennyRobinsonFanClub

    Ah yes, one people, one nation, one leader. The classics!

  • AMERICAN Kafir™(KAdams)

    Given the crowd, I first read it as a ‘living, breathing, orgasm”.

  • De Aguilar

    Yeah living to take freedom away, breathing organism to infiltrate and destroy what is good. there may be truth to his statement. They say show me your friends, and i know who you are. Clinton lied, while president, buddy buddy with a liar. equals one lie.

  • There_you_go_again

    on her blue dress

  • Noonespecial

    Hilarious! The absolute adoration of Clinton, only surprised by the gloppening when Obama enters a room….

  • Noonespecial

    surpassed, that is…LOL

  • mkreider

    Orgasm. hmmm not all that unusual for slick willy. Maybe that is why they had Sandra Fluke, the not so bright law student from Georgetown who can’t fork over $9.00 a month for birth control or date someone that would at least buy his own condoms, go before Pocahantas Warren. Slick willy that close to someone that likes to mess around and not using birth control —-well earth would still be moving. Well maybe not, after all slick willy is older now.

  • dr44

    I hope Rick stopped in the lobby and picked up a pair of Official Lewinsky Memorial Kneepads, personally signed by The Walking Penis himself.

  • FloridaPhil

    Wait! WTF happened to Agmar & Knarl??

  • Randy C. Lindsey

    It was a dark and stormy night….for America.

  • CrashFroelich

    Can it be any more obvious that journos get a college degree for learning the art of simultaneous mouthpiece and sphincter?

  • billeeblue

    Think Obama will be wearing that blue dress tonight? The way he hugged Slick Willie, I thought I was going to a long kiss.

  • James Neal

    Ace of Spades — that was brilliant ….

  • James Neal

    We are in for a Gloppening election season — with record cleaning bills for blue dresses. It’s actually lucky that he got caught with his cigar in the ash tray — we will not not forget — and his credibility with all but the cool aid drinkers is less than nil….

  • Christine Pirrocco Frazzini

    HaHa, @The Student! More, more!!!

  • John Hanover

    Impeached, but not convicted. Great legacy Pimp Willy. Either he bores you to death or he revives the dead just can’t remember which one he’s supposed to do, we know O walks on water and collapses the red sea of tape.